Love Yourself Enough to Love Your Exes

You have to love yourself enough to love your exes.

I’ve heard this expression before but I never really understood how it could apply in reality for those exes who really boiled my blood and made me crazy. I could appreciate what they have done for me in matters of growth, but for a long time my focus was on how these relationships pushed me towards being a better partner in a better relationship. These relationships gave me the space to learn and make mistakes so that when it came time to meeting the next “Mr. Right-er” that I would make less stupid decisions. This is definitely a part of it - a huge part. But what I have recently come to understand in my journey is that these romantic relationships were all a part of a strategic plan to get me to become the person I am now - to get me ready for relationship, but for everything else too. All of the lessons I have learned in these intimate relationships will transcend into all aspects of my life, thus helping to shape the person I am today. I wont give the exes all the credit because I chose to do the work to be at this point, but I do thank them for the unique part each played in my journey.

The people in our lives are our teachers, whether we want to learn what they are trying to teach to us or not. They are there to show us who we are, how far we can be pushed, what we are willing to do, how intensely we can feel about another, and so on. They are your mirrors. At the time of our intense pain we might ask why we are going through it, or what the hell we were thinking getting ourselves into it in the first place. Looking back at moments like these in my past, I am truly grateful. The hard times were rough in the moment but so much growth came as a product of them. In all these intense moments of emotion I was ALIVE! I was feeling intensity that I probably couldn't have reached on my own, growth is rarely comfortable so its a blessing to have those around us who push us. How wonderful being a human is; we can feel intense love for someone, later have our hearts broken and thinking we will never be happy again, until one day someone else comes along and we fall all over again. We are SO resilient as humans, we are SO strong.

My Experience

I had a relationship with someone that lasted for a big chunk of my life on and off, this relationship forced me to expand in so many ways. This person pushed me to ends of the earth and brought out many different aspects of my being. All emotions are good, they are all extensions of love so I wont call them negative but at the time I perceived them as such, and this relationship was packed full of them. This relationship was difficult most of the time and looking back I was a different person then. The other day I caught myself smiling while I was thinking about all of the stuff we had been through, don’t get me wrong these weren’t happy memories, they were a few of the “negative” ones. When I caught myself chuckling a bit I realized that I had no more feelings of anger or distaste for this person. In fact it was a deep feeling of calm. There was no more hatred, no more sadness, just a nothingness.

I have come to a place of love for this person in the sense that I have so much appreciation for him and our relationship, and the beauty that our relationship was. Something shifted inside that made me actually truly love every aspect of my relationship with him, even the stuff that made me crazy at the time. I truly saw that everything was so perfect, everything was for a reason, and everything pushed me to become a better version. At this point I realized that if I saw him I would run up to him with open arms and say “thank you” something I never thought I would do before. I realized that I was so lucky to have had a person in my life for such a long time that helped me grow so much as a person. It is such a beautiful gift to have a relationship like this, with so many emotions and where we both pushed each other. I am so grateful for this person and for the first time ever there is no more anger. I appreciate everything that happened, it all contributed to the Katie writing this now.

This goes for all of my past relationships romantic or otherwise, I can look back and take only the lessons and the love. I now understand what people mean by this, and it wasn’t easy for me to learn. It took a lot of work and self reflection and many years. I encourage you now, if there is someone in your life who you have lower vibrational feelings towards start to make a list of all the good that has come out of the relationship. I guarantee there is positive growth in there. You may not see it right away but the answers will come when you are ready to let go of the anger and/or sadness.

Why should you care to get to this point?

Because it feels really great to let go of all of that hidden anger and resentment, it is affecting you more than you realize. We lose pieces of our soul along our life, and huge parts can be lost because of a unhealthy relationships or anger towards someone. In relationships we build such a strong connection with one another when it all falls apart pieces of ourselves are lost. Often when we are so hurt we want to go into denial and not deal with the heartbreak. Instead of healing we just try and sweep it under the rug, which will leave longer lasting impressions on ourselves. These issues will come back to haunt us time and time again, and one day you find yourself thinking that you are this way because of your baggage. The good news is, is that this is totally "heal-able", you just need to be willing to face the music. If you don't, your pain will eventually appear in a physical form most likely causing pain, making you sick, upsetting your skin, and the list goes on..

So how was I able to get to this point? Honestly by connecting to Spirit. It didn’t happen over night but through my spiritual journey I have grown tremendously and I have been able to acknowledge my faults, patterns, and injuries with honesty, and have made it my mission to face them even though it can feel totally awkward. In general by spending a lot of time connected to your higher self your vibration increases and you can start to see the bigger picture, that all this human emotion and anger is your teacher. Once you have forgiven yourself and anyone who hurt you, you can view the relationship at a higher level, and you can look at it with love. You may even be able to raise yourself up high enough to see all parties in the relationship as innocent children, this will help you get out of your human ego and start to move towards forgiveness. The more time you spend connecting with Spirit in any form of meditation, the more you are able to get out of your human head - the easier it is to come from a place of peace and love.

How can you get here?

If you are interested in learning how to get to this point I will include a list of things I did that contributed to this growth. You don't have to do all of them, if you have space for only one thing let it be daily meditation.

• Having a daily spiritual practice – doesn’t have to be long, 10 minutes a day.

• Kundalini Yoga – you clear SO much out with this modality it’s amazing, everyone should do it.

• Writing letters to those whom you are angry with. After its written read it out loud with the intention of releasing your anger etc. and then burn it (be safe burning this, have water handy and a pot). No holds barred write down anything you feel.

• Write a list of the things you are grateful for that this person was a part of. “I’m grateful you called me names because I learned ___”. Be honest.

• Eliminating beliefs about the person – create an image or phrase that sums this belief up and begin to feel the emotions this brings up, allow the emotions to come. Then imagine you are throwing that belief into a violet fire and its immediately transmuted to love. Now understanding that every emotion is just energy, breathe white light into every cell in your body until that emotion is clear. There may be multiple layers so do this process until you feel the belief is gone. Its okay if it still lingers, just means more work needs to be done. I am always happy to help as well!

• Past life regression – see where your history with this person started and heal it at the source. I have a wonderful name for this service if you are interested in going to see a professional.

• Time, and giving yourself the space to be sad – don’t try to stuff your feelings away you need to deal with them head on so they clear quicker.

• Angelic Alchemy and Reiki – clears out/transmutes the energy and emotion.

I am not exactly sure what did it for me but I believe it was the combination of my growth and the above tools. The last piece to resolve the stuck relationship energies was the past life regression, it helped me understand where these ties came from and once those were healed everything finally started to disappear, even him!

Let me know if you have questions or if you have your own way of clearing out this stuff! I would love to hear from you!I am here if you need assistance with clearing this, I am more than happy to help you ;). Contact me and we can figure out a plan for you.

Peace, light, and love to all!

XO Kate